Here I am sitting on a plane unable to take my usual nap. As I sit here sitting to worship music, I can’t help but drift into quiet reflection. Earlier this week I had a moment that I had to reach out to God in confession. I sought Him in that moment and He comforted me. He gave me His strength to reach out to people instead of facing my moment alone. As He always does, He sent people to help me through.
My confession….I don’t have it all together. Does anyone, really? More than not having it all together, I have times when waves of complete sadness overwhelm me. These waves come out of, seemingly, no where. Tears well in my eyes. Tightness takes hold of my chest. I feel sad and alone. I want to cry and do absolutely nothing. Just sit and hide from the world. Why? I don’t even know. The sadness simply crashes into me and hits me like the ocean wave that knocks over a little kid who is peacefully playing on the shoreline.
Why is this a confession? Because it means I face it head on. I share that I struggle at times. That I need God to help me face those times when all I want to do is crawl into bed under my comfy blanket and weep uncontrollably. It means being vulnerable enough to say “I don’t know what is wrong, but I sure could use a hug and a smile”. It means admitting that, like everyone else, I need people around me who accept me for me…waves of sadness and all. People who won’t necessarily try to “fix” things, but rather will listen or simply sit with me. Don’t we all need those people?
I’ll admit that these waves, since I’ve grown closer in my walk with Jesus, have come a lot less frequently. This may be why the one this week hit me a bit harder. Even when we walk closely with the Lord, we still experience trials. Jesus tells us in John 16:33, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” He also tells us we can give our burdens to Him, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30 ESV
When the sadness suddenly gripped my chest this week, I sought God first. To Him I asked, “Why is this happening?” “What am I really feeling?” And “Please take this from me”. I won’t sit here and lie and say the feeling immediately went away. It didn’t. What did happen was that I saw more clearly and the anxiousness dissipated. I was able to breathe and be more calm. I didn’t retreat into hiding, but instead admitted that I was feeling “off” and needed a moment. As things slowly started to calm, I was able to see how God had sent friends to wave at me on my run, to text to invite me to dinner, and people to make me laugh when all I had wanted to do was cry.
As I write this the song “To Good to not believe” is playing ❤️.
My encouragement to you on this beautiful morning is to confess. It’s not just about confessing sins, but about confessing the things that hold us back from deepening our relationship with Christ. It is about being both bold and vulnerable enough to admit the places in our life where we struggle. Let God and people see you for you. God knows all of you anyway and He loves you. If you let Him, He will work miracles in your life. In Him you can be free from the strongholds that have kept you from experiencing true joy.
Faith Grows Faith 